Lubos Tomicek

writer ~ mental health advocate ~ blogger ~ debater ~ logician

A new life is born through labour and pain

To explain how the principles of Tree of Life were conceived I have to return several years back in time. By all means, from outside, I seemed as the guy who had it all. I had high managerial post, beautiful girlfriend, we lived in a huge house in nice area. But it wasn’t quite like that under surface.

While for time I held everything together, the catastrophe unveiled suddenly when my girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer. She decided that her life with me is not what she want and broke with me. For me it was a huge blow. I mean, what a terrible person must I have been, that at the moment of the most difficult time of her life she didn’t want to be with person, who was supposed to be hers closes ally?

No matter what, I wanted for her to be stress free, so she can battle through the illness (she went through the therapy and now she is recovering as far as I know – I haven’t had any info for few years). So, I decided to leave, taking with me only my personal belongings and I moved to the town 100 miles away.

Over night I lost everything. I have been single, unemployed and homeless, sleeping on the sofa in living room of only one friend I had left. On the top, just a week after I left, I have been banned from driving for six months, because of a few speeding tickets. I had new job already, but loosing driving licence meant I lost the job too.

I lost not only confidence in myself. I’ve totally lost any trace of self-respect. Rotten with depression, seeing no future, blaming myself for all the wrongdoings of the world, I attempted a suicide. It was interrupted by outside force.

This interruption I took as a sign, that my role in this world is not yet over and there is still something for me to do. I started to get my ‘sheet’ together. I took a job in warehouse as a picker. I found myself a room in shared house. I moved few times and changed the job few times. Nothing helped. I have been still in depressions, but I tried to overcome them by making big plans, only to cancel them when the darkness clouded my mind again. It wasn’t like I had big black cloud above my head. Rather, I have been immersed inside the cloud with no lights in sight.

After six months I started to think about suicide again. But then it hit me. I need help. I am not going to get out of this alive, if I will depend only on myself. There was something wrong with my mind, that I could not conquer alone. I went to doctors. I have got pills against depression and a promise of psychotherapy. The pills turned me into a zombie. I was alive but lifeless. Two months later, while I’ve sat for hours on bed, staring absentmindedly into void, a small thought came to me.

It was like a tiny spark of life entering my mind. It told me, that I was allays the guy people came to for advice and help. It told me that the strength and courage is still in me. That I should not wait for help from doctors and psychotherapy. It told me, that I can look for help elsewhere. I knew that this is true and that what I need to do right now is to act. Act now, before that small little voice will be silenced by the darknesses and void. I stood up and went to the laptop. I opened browser and started searching for motivational videos.

From that day, every day, hour after hour, I’ve went on internet, looking for motivation and inspiration. For hours I watched videos on YouTube, read articles on blogs, listened to podcasts and audiobooks. It took some time but the effect eventually came. In ten days time I have been so far from the black cloud, that I felt like the pills are now not a lifeline but a rope holding me back. I dropped them, cold turkey.

As I continued to watch, listen and read, I often recognised things, which were questionable. Not that they were wrong per se; but they didn’t feel right for me, for my way of thinking. I have learned long long time ago, that if a part of info is not right, that does not cancel the validity of the rest of the message. So I decided to sort out the info. Eat the meat and throw away the bones. In place of bones I added carrots, peas, quinoa and other goodies.

Now, while this sounds like a meal recipe; it was in fact the start of the Tree of Life approach to living. By no means I am telling you, that this is the best self help tool you can find and that you should not look anywhere else. The truth is, that Tree of life will be inadequate for some people and perfect for others. Whichever group are you going to be in, remember that anywhere you will look for help, you will find both, the meat and the bones. Put the bones aside and enjoy the rest of the meal. Add your own ideas or tools you found elsewhere to the mix, compile the ideas, create your own view onto life and world around you. When you will go after your view with attitude of contribution, you will change the world and make your life so exceptional, that it will be worth retelling by the campfire (or on social media sites 😀 ).

It’s not the result which defines you. It’s the effort you’ve put in the journey.

Lubos Tomicek

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